


Some Glad Morning

by mishackles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x23 coda, Dead Castiel, Gen, M/M, castiel is dead and talks to god for a while, post season 12, theres some light destiel implication but not anything major
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:45:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11620035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishackles/pseuds/mishackles
Summary: Some glad morning when this life is over,I'll fly away.To a home on God's celestial shore,I'll fly away.I'll fly away, O Glory,I'll fly away. In the morningWhen I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,I'll fly away.When the shadows of this life are gone,I'll fly away.Like a bird from prison bars has flownI'll fly away.





	Some Glad Morning

White. That was Castiel’s first thought when he snapped awake. He was surrounded by a bright, white light. Like sunlight on freshly fallen snow, it hurt your eyes, makes you want to look away. He glanced around quickly assessing how much danger there was, scanning for approaching threats but that’s all there seemed to be in any direction, light. A long expanse of white nothingness. What was this place?

On further inspection, he didn’t know if ‘place’ was the best word to describe where he was. There were no walls, no floor, no anything. He looked down almost expecting his own body to be gone, or his trueform ripped into existence. But he’s still here. Human body, ten fingers, ten toes, shoes, suit, blue tie, tan overcoat. He's still just Cas. 

“Castiel,” a voice said from behind him. Or was it in front of him? The words echoed off walls that weren’t there and drifted out into the nothing. 

“Who are you? Where are you? Where am I? What have you done with the Winchester.” Panic flooded Castiel’s mind as he remembered what had happened. Lucifer. Jack. Kelly. Mary and Sam. And Dean. Where were they? What had happened what if they were in danger?

“Castiel, please calm down.” The voice almost sounded amused. “One question at a time”

“Who are you?”

“I surprised you don’t know.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “Please, spare me the enigmatic language. I’ve had enough dramatics for one day. Give me an answer. Now.”

“I am,” was all they said. 

“Father?” Something sunk inside Cas’s chest while something else hot and bubbling flared to life. Rage. 

“Hello,” God said warmly. “It's nice to see you Castiel.” 

“I don’t understand. Y-you left. You left again. The Darkness? Where is she? Back on Earth? Has she changed her mind on the destruction? I must return. Father, I-“

“Slow down, my son.” The bastard was chuckling. Like this was just a light hearted family reunion. “I am with her still. I’m also here. Omnipresent, that kind of deal.” 

“…Right.” It had been a long time since Castiel had had any faith in this Father. He wasn’t going to allow it back in so easy. He scanned around his surroundings again skeptically. He could feel his angel blade; his grace could call it into existence in an instant. If he needed it. “Why can’t I see you? Where are we?”

“All you see is me. This is me,” Suddenly Cas in the middle of a nebula and he's is a meteor burning cold, streaking through the sky, skating through the Stardust and swirling gasses. Creation ebbs and flows before his eyes. Stars are expanding and stars collapse in on themselves. Castiel watches worlds birthed and burn, all in the blink of an eye. “This is me.” Castiel is an eagle soaring through a snowy mountain side. The tall trees whisper the secrets of the universe. They’ve lived hundreds of years, a mere blip in Cas’s life yet they know things he will never be able to comprehend. “This is me” Cas is a blue whale flying through the water. A calf nudges him affectionately. He’s never known love like this before. “And this is me.” Suddenly, Castiel is himself again. In a setting, he has grown to know well. 

“Oh fuck off Sammy,” Dean says from the front seat. “Star Trek will forever be the greatest sci-fi series. Ever. Period.” From the back seat, Cas can see Sam shake his head and laugh. "And I’ll defend Harrison Ford till I’m six feet under, but Han Solo wouldn’t stand a chance against James T. Kirk.”

“That not what I’m saying,” Sam sighs. “All I said is that I enjoy the Star Wars movies more!”

“Blasphemy! Objectively Wrong!” Dean huffs a short sigh. “Cas knows I’m right. Right, Cas?” He looks into the rearview mirror and makes eye contact with Cas. Castiel remembers this. There had been a hunt on the East Coast. Maine, he thinks. The drive had consisted of many arguments like this one. He liked that drive.

“I agree with Sam,” Cas said. He really didn’t have a preference. But his answer had made Dean laugh. 

“HA!” Sam shouted. 

“You’re both dead to me,” Dean complained, but he was still smiling. The scene began to fade away, and Cas was left alone again.

“Why are you showing me this?” He said just above a whisper.

“You’re angry with me.” 

“Yes.” 

“I’m showing this so you can understand,” God said. Cas knew it was childish to roll his eyes but he couldn’t stop himself. “I never abandoned you Castiel. I gave you all of this. These are my gift to you.”

“Your gifts? Was the apocalypse your gift? A heavenly civil war your gift? Brainwashing? Destruction? Murder? Death?”

“I brought you back.”

“Yeah,” The resentment rolled off Cas’s lips, “lot of good that did.”

The voice around him chuckled, “You sound like a Winchester.”

“I take that as an honor.”

“As you should.”

The anger was receding inside him and Castiel was left with this deep sadness. He was familiar with the feeling. Each time he’d been brought back from the dead it had felt like his father had given him a second, a third, a fourth chance and yet, Castiel always found a way to mess it up. “Why did you bring me back, father?” He asked. “You left me to fend for myself and every time I failed you just. Put me back. And every time I made things far worse. Was it a punishment? For me? For the world? Why-” 

His Father cut him off, “I had faith in you Castiel. Even when you had none in me.”

Cas scoffed, “Don’t try to make me pity you.” He remembered having faith. Pure and strong and so so righteous. He knew his father was still alive and out there. Knew if he just could be found he’d end the suffering. End it all. “I searched for you, everywhere.”

“I know.”

“I gave up on you.” 

“I know.”

“And then I broke the world.”

“You cleaned up after yourself. I raised you well,” the voice attempted to joke.

“Don’t.” Castiel said firmly, “You didn’t raise me. The Winchesters taught me that. Taught me that when you break something, you fix it.” Castiel still feels that faith sometimes. The pure good faith he had in God. It's just not for his father anymore. “They’re my family”

“You're right. They are,” God Agreed. “I know you’ll never understand this Cas but leaving was the best thing I could do. For Earth. For Heaven. For you.” Cas rolled his eyes again. “But especially for them. The humans. Humanity is my greatest, most beautiful creation,” 

“Yes,” Cas knew this without a doubt. 

“Someone once said they were my greatest because they were better than me,”

“They are.”

“Yes. They are.” God continued, “I needed to leave because I was only making things worse, humanity, as flawed and reckless as they are, was more capable of caring for my creations than I was,” Cas’s heart ached. Justified abandonment was still abandonment. He still felt abandoned.

His father paused for a moment, “But humans aren’t my only children, Castiel.” 

“What?”

“You. Castiel. You. You’re magnificent.” There was a tremor in his voice. An awe or reverence. A respect. “Humans I designed them to grow and learn and create with the hope they’d surpass me. I gave them free will. But you, you went out and took it. You weren’t designed for any of this. Sam and Dean? Destiny. Mission. Choice. Blah-blah-blah. Written into their story from day one. But you? You just put yourself into this narrative and refused against all odds to be moved. Refused to be defeated. You’re magnificent Castiel. I can’t say you’re one of my greatest creation because I didn’t create you, Castiel. You created yourself.” Castiel can’t even process what he’s being told. He’s not that extra ordinary. He’s just tried to the right thing. Always tired. “I guess that’s why I keep bringing you back, I’m rooting for you kid.”

“I didn’t do any of those things,” Castiel stammers. “The Winchesters- I- I had help.”

“Everyone needs help, Castiel.” God said kindly. “Doesn’t lesson our actions.” 

“Why, why are you telling me this,” Castiel felt wrung out. This was all too much. 

“They need you back.”

“Back?” 

“The Winchesters. Sam,” He pauses, “Dean. They need you back. There’s an archangel nephalim in the world. I didn’t plan that! And well,” he chuckles. "You three are kind of the experts on these things.”

Memories rush to Castiel. Lucifer. Jack. Kelly. Dean’s relieved face. A sharp pain, a bright light. Darkness.

"I died." He was already a mess and now. He was dead. He felt anger and sadness. And relief. And shame. So much shame.

“Castiel,” He was snapped out of his thoughts. “I can’t force you to go back. You have to want this. Not because you feel obligated to save the world, not because it's your duty. You have to want this because you want this.”

Castiel thinks of what he has left on earth. Sam and Mary who’ve shown him the love of the family he never thought he’d get. Jack, the child he’d been willing to die for. He promised Kelly he’d care for him. He had to keep that promise. And Dean. The reason any other this has happened. The first one to break down his walls and build up his faith again. If he could only see him one more time- “I want this.” Cas says firmly. “I want to protect my family. I want to save the world. I want to live.”

The light around him began to move and condense and to one spot. The light faded and standing there was Chuck. God as he’d appeared on Earth. He smiled at Castiel, “Good luck, kid.” He reached out two fingers and reached to place them in the center of Cas’s forehead. “I’ll always be rooting for you.” God hand’s touched Castiel. 

Suddenly Cas gasp awake. It’s dark. The air is damp around him. He begins to feel around. Wood in every direction around him, wood. They buried him. That almost makes him smile. Of course they did. Dean would have insisted. He couldn’t get much momentum so it took a while to break through the lid of his coffin. He was going to see them again. He would see his family again. That was the thought Castiel held onto as he began to crawl through the earth, upwards to the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading im mishackles on tumblr.
> 
> title and summary from I'll fly away by Johnny Cash


End file.
